Monday, 21 February 2011

Before the Tone

Monday 21st February 2011, A. Palmer


Tonight, I wanted to talk
but you were unavailable again.
                            
So rather than store my words in your voicemail
to be mocked out of the moment,
I let them tumble back down my throat,
and wonder where the name I know went.

Trouble is, my stomach’s full of thoughts I failed
to express and feelings I didn’t go vent.
One more mouthful will make me ill, so boat
the rock, sail him away in efforts to foment

a sudden availability,
a call.
Hello?



13 comments:

  1. This is first piece of your poetry that I have read, and I like it. Thanks for the introduction, I shall quietly peruse the rest. G.

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  2. smiles...all too real...things left unsaid, in this case due to no opportunity they twist and turn inside until the time...nice write

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  3. I can feel the discomfort here as I read. Nicely done. I like the connection between the mind and stomach. "My stomach's full of thoughts"

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  4. Every line in this is spare and to the point, not a wasted word, everyone carries its weight, with some such as the end of the penultimate stanza, doing double duty. Seriously good.

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  5. Hi Arron
    Oh!! I can relate to this so much....
    Your words conjured up interesting images for me...
    specially these words...
    'I let them tumble back down my throat,
    and wonder where the name I know went.'
    Thanks for sharing...

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/02/whispers-tanka-and-search-for-being.html
    Connect with me at Twitter @VerseEveryDay

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  6. agh - yes - too many swallowed words creep from the stomach to our heart and become uncontrollable at times...great poem arron

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  7. Like your uber-Spoonerism 'boat the rock' (not a Spoonerism but you know what I mean)... not sure what you meant by 'foment'? Interesting piece, structurally nicely unusual. Nice One Shot mate

    Luke @ WordSalad

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  8. Excellent discription of regret and disappointment. I thought of bolemia...second chances.

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  9. Regret is difficult topic. You've handled it well.

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  10. Thank you so much guys, yes, disappointment is a struggle and I found I could only bear to write so much about it, hence a rather fleeting poem.

    It deals with the idea of two inseparables suddenly becoming the reverse of their monikers, with one, in particular, struggling to accept the new developments after being there so much for the other, hence the line "boat the rock and sail him away".

    This is to encourage the other into 'suddenly becoming available', 'to call', in a 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' sort of way. This is what I mean by "foment", Luke, as it means to 'encourage/stir/incite'. It is normally used in negative scenarios, such as arguments or protests, which suits the mood I've tried to create here.

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  11. I like it...but kept hearing from Guys&Dolls - Sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat or in this case boatin' the rock. It all works for me, lad. I've felt like this but being a "girl" left too many messages, felt like a fool, and then did hear the phone ring. Sometimes it was good & other times, "please leave me to hell alone". Ah..aches of fallin' in love. Thanks, Gay @beachanny

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  12. gotcha on the 'foment'.. I really should have looked it up .. duh!

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  13. No worries Luke, cheers for coming back. Whilst I encourage, or foment ;), readers to take their own interpretations, I am more than happy to explain bits of my work, or indeed odd words.

    And Gay, thank you so much for stopping by, I've never seen/read Guys & Dolls (I presume you mean the play?), I didn't realise it already had the 'boat the rock' idea. But yes, you got the message bang on, though I'm sure it wasn't hard, as with many of my pieces. Thanks again guys!

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