Thursday, 13 January 2011

Of Course, Death

Thursday 13th January 2011, A. Palmer




"O See that you Do it, won't you?"
('Ocidic' is what he termed it)
"Of Course I Did it!" I would spit,

"A dozen times, will that not do?
"The bulb's bereft, with no switch left
"and what's the harm in failing to?"

"Death's tracks," he mourned, "is where we'd sit
"...O See that you Do it, won't you?"


This is an attempt at Luke Prater's 'octain' form, which he devised on his weblog WordSalad. It is a poem of 8 lines, made up of two tercets and a couplet, with each line comprising of 8 syllables (usually adopting iambic or trochaic tetrameter, but "[it is] fine to just count eight syllables per line for those who prefer that"). The rhyme scheme is A/b/b | a/c-c/a | b/A, where A is a refrain (the first line is repeated as the final line) and c-c is a sexy slice of internal rhyme. It was tough, but thoroughly enjoyable, so thank you Luke. He's a good lad, and can be found on Twitter.

This is a poem about OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and, in particular, a younger me complaining to my father about his OCD. 'Younger me' is key, thus, as I've aged, I've noticed I have to have things set in squares...


4 comments:

  1. Wonderfully crafted. Blown by it.

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  2. Great one! And I like that it's about something real and also that you've taken a humorous approach to a topic which could be quite heavy. You've made it fit the form nicely. Middle tercet is particularly good in he meter department, though my favourite line is the penultimate one -

    "Death's tracks," he mourned, "is where we'd sit

    Cheers man

    Luke

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  3. Thank you very much, I'm blown by your comment FFS, so kind. Thanks for reading.

    And Luke, thanks so much for stopping by to check it out, I loved having a stab at your octain form. Yes, the meter was what I struggled with (and continue to do so in most of my work); I'm normally fair at rhyme.

    I'm going to attempt a sonnet for practice at meter, and a ballade for rhyme, then who knows? Perhaps I'll devise a form of my own and pass the challenge over to you? Ha, take care bud.

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  4. Ah, very interesting!!! Reminds me of old 1800s tales which are famous!! I love it! Here's mine http://thelunaticsdiary.blogspot.com/2011/01/venom.html

    I'm also on twitter, please follow me!!

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